Working Mom Malady

For the last few weeks I've been scheming away at my next move.  See, I am a big "Plan B" person {as a matter of fact, I plan through letter F most of the time} and it's very rare for me to not be daydreaming about what to do next.  No, this time it's not about what do do next to our house {I'm leaving that to the hub}.  This time it's bigger and mostly related to my insanity inducing need to be a working - GOOD - mom.

Oxymoron you say?  I think not.  I love my job.  I have a flexible schedule, a boss that inspires me, and an awesome posse that I love to see every morning.  It makes me feel connected, successful, and fulfilled.  My job is part creativity, part analytical - it suits me to a T.  

My big HOWEVER is that, lately, when I wake up our sleepy P and I pull her from her giant, snuggy, pink blanket... she reaches up and hugs me.  My heart melts.  I have to hold my breath to not take in her yummy baby smell which gets fainter every day.  I can't squeeze her and rock her while she wakes up for fear that I just won't go in to work.  I will just stay in my jammies all day and maybe walk to the park. In my daydream of stay-at-home-mommyhood, we would lounge our way through a sunny day and my house would be spotless and the laundry smelling fresh.  I would have clean, shiny hair and be fully dressed by 10am.  

This is not my reality.  I know myself and my brain would surely turn to mush within a week.  Laundry would still pile up and I'd stay in my jams to watch the Nate Berkus show.  Soon, the hub would call to say that he's on his way home for dinner and I would sheepishly admit that I haven't been to the grocery store all week. I would feel helpless and boring.  

I am a worker bee.  

Sooooo... every weekday morning, I wait until the very last moment to wake the bug.  I quickly change her diaper, dress her {she's starting to pick out her own clothes}, and head out the door to a job that I love.

I am in need of balance.  I'm not sure what the cure for this common malady is. I am opening my heart to new ideas.  Until then, I am praying for guidance, clarity, and courage.

{working mommy - image by Alan Weiner}

  {at home mommy}

Happy Sunday!