The Day I Lost My Cape

Last week was a rough one for me.  I had been sick for a week with an awful head cold but I powered through and made it past what I thought was the worst.  And then it came back with a vengeance.   And I mean, vicious vengeance.  

By Monday afternoon at work I knew I needed something to carry me through the last hour and a half of my day so I ambled over to Starbucks {yes, I know... sugar isn't really helping} and got in line.  I must begin by stating that I was in the "right" line.  A group of Asian tourists had formed their own line {from now on known as the "wrong" line}.  The lady behind me tried to correct them but, alas, they didn't speak English, and she gave up and joined them in the wrong line.  I guess there's strength in numbers.  Anyway, my point is, this little incident - not even really an incident! -  just tipped me right over the edge and instead of joining the wrong line, I instantly found myself welling up with tears.  I knew it was time to go home.

And so I did.  I left work early, sped home, and went directly to sleep.  By Tuesday morning, my body felt like a brick of cement.  Seriously.  I don't kid.  There was NO WAY I could go to work.  I barely dragged myself up to take care of P and praised the Lord that she miraculously napped 2x's that day - for a grand total of 4 hours of sleep for the both of us.  When Chris got home, I crawled back into bed and rested again.  

Late that night, when the house was quiet, I made my self a ginger root bath {recipe here} in hopes of sweating the sickness out.  I slept like a baby that night {finally, my sinuses were cleared!} but when the alarm went off on Wednesday, I felt no better energy-wise.  I was still moving through molasses.  My eye was twitching.  My heart was pounding.  I was easily light headed.  I was sooooo exhausted.  I was a little more than depressed.  I didn't feel like myself at all.  I was anxious that this is what people refer to as a "rough pregnancy" and that maybe I would spend the next 22 weeks feeling like this!  AHHH!!  And then I'd have a newborn to take care of and still no relief in sight!!  MUST. POWER. THROUGH.

On Thursday morning I woke up and made myself go to work.  I was still not great.  But worried that another day at home might do my emotions more harm than good.  I might have been wrong.

By 9am I was in tears.  Literally bawling {aka. making awful sobbing noises} in the bathroom at work.  My tank was officially empty.  Whatever super power I usually have that allows things to just roll of my skin had gone missing.  I was like a piece of super-duty fly paper and everything was just sticking to me.  Sad people on the sidewalk smoking.  Rude people on the phone.  Cars that cut me off.  Loud sirens.  A pile of stuff in my inbox.  I had no reserve, no mojo, no protection.  

I am somewhat of a trooper and although I came this close - - to just walking out the door again, I didn't.  I went on a little walk to run an errand, said a little prayer, and made it through the day.  Barely.  At 4:30pm when I got in my car to head home, the tears just started flowing again.  This time I let 'em come and eventually they stopped.  

I am feeling better for sure.  But my eye is still twitching every once in awhile and I'd still LOVE a nap right now.  But, most importantly, this awful week taught me that my special cape of supermom powers that I take for granted can go missing.  I think if I would have allowed myself time to just be sick and rest during the first week of my cold, I might not have gotten so exhausted.  But, it's hard to be sick when you're a mom.  Darn near IMPOSSIBLE!  Sometimes you need to rally, I get it.  But next time, I'm saying no.  I'm going to lay on the couch and watch Matlock and sleep.  I will take long baths {by myself!} and have Chris buy me some trashy magazines to read.  I will know that my super cape is invaluable to me and must be handled with care.  

I will not lose my cape again.