Things in the night

Why do things always feel worse in the middle of the night? Is it because we feel so alone? Isolated? Even with someone snoring next to you. Maybe that's even worse. Because in turmoil, you want to know that someone feels your angst too. And yet, they sleep right through it. Or maybe it's the darkness. Being in the dark has a way of making even the most ridiculous thoughts feel ominous. And true. Last night was one of those nights for me. After what felt like a particularly chaotic day, I couldn't wait to get into bed and drift away. And then, I didn't. I think partly it was hormonal: First, my nesting instincts went into overdrive. I was fighting the urge to get up and start organizing, cleaning, and moving heavy furniture. And then the anxiety kicked in. What if Paley caught herself in the drawstring of her roman curtains and it is wrapped around her neck? What if she had managed to open them and a stranger saw her and has taken her? What if she got lambie's yellow ribbon wrapped around her finger and it is turning purple? What if she got a battery out of a toy and she is choking? (these are real, true fears that raced through my mind last night. I would not make this crap up.) There were also smells. Nothing smelled right. The air. Our sheets. Chris' shirt. Things that normally soothe me back from the brink were just off. I wanted to strip the bed, start some laundry, ask Chris to change his pajamas, and maybe even take another bath. The windows were open in our room and it was just too cold. Not right for June. And yet I longed for the fan to be blowing on me. And so I tossed and turned. And I became annoyed. And more frustrated. And I wondered if this is just part of being a mom. Or pregnant. Or crazy. And I worried that I might never feel peaceful and full again. Nothing felt right, even though everything was as it always is. Our doors were locked, we were all safe (yes, I snuck downstairs and checked on P), and I finally got comfortable enough to doze right about the time the birds started singing. In the end, I'm pretty sure it was them that assured me that it was ok to go back to sleep. I was no longer alone. They were awake and would usher in the day and I was free to rest my post as nuerotic guard of the night. The end.

It's lake time, folks!

Ok, so I just posted an update all about me in all of my pregnant glory and then I remembered this:

In case you didn't know it, my husband is a water-man.  He loves anything that has to do with it - swimming in it, fishing it, floating on it... you get the idea.  And like any father who loves something, he is bound and determined to make sure that P loves it too.  So, began her fishing lessons...

First, we dug our own worms from our garden.  

Then, we headed to Nana & Poppy's...

Chris hooked the worms while P watched intently. For a minute.

And then she was bored so she started freeing the worms from their most certain, painful, death.

And finally it was time for the lesson.

Which ended up as less of a lesson and more of Chris sitting patiently with the pole while P wandered the dock chatting away about ducks and boats.

It ended well but P needed a brewsky just for the effort.  {just kidding!  No, we do not give our toddler beer.}

Hope you all had a lovely, summer weekend!

Pregnancy & other things

I guess that's a suitable title to the randomness that is about to follow.  These last few months worth of posts are mostly just trying to keep people updated with life at the House of Thorn's and, trust me, I realize that it may seem somewhat boring.  Thanks for still reading!

In case you haven't been counting, we have no more than 32 days to go before baby Beckett makes his debut. My c-section has been on the books for over a month {yeah, you knew I was a planner} and barring an early labor {not out of the question if you ask me!}, we will celebrate the 4th of July and his arrival 2 days later.

Being pregnant with B has not been super easy.  My bestie says that when she was pregnant with her second she hardly remembered that she was pregnant at all!  Not I, friend.  I feel it all the time.  As a matter of fact, according to my doctor, I felt pregnant a good two weeks before I really was {hence, why I think my due date might be wrong}.  I am fully exhausted, still battling nausea occasionally, having regular bouts of hormonally induced anxiety, and in general, just sooooo not myself.  I won't lie to you.

I am one of those rare gals that actually doesn't think pregnancy is all glamorous glowing gracefulness.  Most days I feel frustrated at my physical restrictions and feel incredibly guilty about not participating around the house as much as I used to.  I have had major bouts of fatigue this time around and entertaining P is sometimes all I can manage.  But, don't get me wrong, the end result of pregnancy is what I'm ALL about and I really am grateful for a healthy 10 months {seriously, why did we ever start saying that pregnancy is only 9 mos??  I wish!} and a nice round belly.

Paley, of course, is up to her regular fabulousness... she is now counting all the way to 10! {see video below}.  Oh, and she is practicing telling me "no" as often as she possibly can.

As for Becks arrival?  Just when I think that I remember what it feels like to have a c-section, easy-peasy... {look at how calm I was before Paley...}

I suddenly remember some awful detail like catheters or blood and then I wonder what the hell I'm thinking!  I'm using the following images to remind me that no matter how surreal and scary it is, this is what I get at the end...

And my heart stops racing and just fills with gratitude and longing and a bunch of other mushy stuff and then all of a sudden, I am fully prepared to brave the unknown to know him, finally.

That pretty much sums up pregnancy & other things around here.  If you're feeling extra charitable, say a little prayer for us all and have a great week!